PSYCHOANALYSIS
Have you gone deep enough?
Psychoanalysis is for you if you have tried other less intense therapies and ended up repeating the same old behaviors without making any lasting changes in how you feel in relationships.
When asked what he got out of being in psychoanalysis, Woody Allen said ‘paraphrasing’: He entered his first analysis wanting to know how to relate better to women. After eight years, he left his analyst, whom he barely knew was in the room; upon leaving, he knew another person was in the room. His second analysis built on this new level of awareness.
How well do you relate to another?
Let’s consider the following as an example:
John is a middle-aged, single man who desperately wants to be married, but every time he starts to get close to a woman, he starts to panic. He becomes fearful, and anxious and believes if he really lets himself fall in love for sure, the woman will leave him, and he will be all alone.
This fearfulness and anxiety about being left, judged by others, and feelings of never being good enough deeply affected his capacity to be vulnerable and close.
As a top salesman in his hedge fund company, John had no problems being charismatic, jovial, and smart with numbers. His father, who his father abandoned, had been in the financial world. John learned to have a sense of security from the best by making money. However, in his personal life, he felt like a failure.
In the past of this man’s life, John had a distant, cold, demanding mother who was always critical of him. As a child, when he was not behaving well, she withdrew from him, leaving him feeling alienated and alone. His father was very self-absorbed and preoccupied with his work world, leaving John as a child feeling abandoned and not having anyone to turn to. So, he retreated into numbers.
John suffered from a chronic sense of insecurity and never really believed he was loveable by a woman. His high-profile professional life covered this over, but his inside world was dark and lonely.
How can psychoanalysis help?
Coming to intensive therapy will reveal these underlying feelings and offer a safe place through talking to work through the confusion of not being loveable. With dreams, fantasies, free association, daydreams and reactions within and between the analyst and patient, the reworking takes place. New emotional structures are built over time, one memory, one experience at a time.
How long does psychoanalysis take?
Depends on the severity of the experiences from the past that need to be redefined. Working three to five years is a place to start thinking about how emotional learning differs from academic learning. Emotional learning is slower, uses a different part of the brain, and requires a different kind of vulnerability to truly understand and gain insight.
If you have fears of abandonment and these are interfering with your capacity to relate comfortably and make a commitment to another, psychoanalysis may be the best form of treatment available to help you emotionally develop into a mature person who is open to being more loving.
Call me at (703) 356-5829 for an evaluation, and together we will discuss your fears, anxieties and begin a new path to remove the obstacles that are getting in the way.